The Rise and Fall of Getting Back to You

It used to be a point of pride: The fast reply; the midnight response; the three-minute turnaround. In the early years of email, of Slack, of DM culture, responsiveness became its own kind of virtue, a badge of busyness and, by extension, importance. If you reply fast, you must be doing a lot. You must matter.

However, at some point, a required instant reply in the middle of the night became evidence that we, and our needs don't matter.

Now, we’re exhausted and over-notified. We leave things unread not because we don’t care, but because we care about too much. Responsiveness, once a signal of reliability, has become the opposite of a point of pride. We want our own time back. And because we receive too many notifications and messages in all our various inboxes, things get missed. 

I’m certain it’s time to retire the performance of immediacy. But I am worn thin by people who just don’t get back to me. We are all, in quiet ways, mourning the old expectations we once held about what it means to be a good communicator. And maybe that’s a good thing.

We’re now seeing a shift. I'm into the rise of asynchronous work and the decline of reply-all. I'm all for the status messages that say: “I’ll get to this when I can.” 

But I still want you to get back to me. Even if it is to say:

“I saw this. I need a few days to think.”

“Not right now, but I want to return to it.”

“Thanks for checking in—I’m at capacity."

Imagine workspaces where a follow-up isn’t considered rude, but helpful. Where inboxes aren’t battlegrounds. Where communication is spacious, human, and kind. This isn’t just about etiquette. It’s about designing the future of work to respect each other. 

I am starting a new project and I wrote these thoughts for our team. Feel free to use them. For that matter, feel free to spread them far and wide! 

Communication Principles

1. Clarity is Kindness: We believe a quick “no,” a clear “yes,” or a thoughtful “not now” is always more respectful than silence. You’ll always know where things stand with us and we hope you’ll offer us the same.

2. Responsiveness = Respect: We aim to respond within 24 business hours. If you don’t hear from us, please nudge us. We genuinely want to stay connected—and know things get buried. Checking in again is never rude—it’s helpful.

3. Meetings Are Sacred: We prefer to work asynchronously, clearly and calmly, unless a conversation really needs to happen in real time or if we need to look at something together. When we meet, we’re fully present, and we keep it tight.

4. Thoughtful Tools, Not Noise: We use Notion, Slack, and email intentionally, not reflexively. No endless threads or scattered messages. Everything has a home. Everyone can breathe.

5. We Say What We Need: If a deadline slips, if you’re overwhelmed, if something’s unclear, tell us. We don’t judge or penalize honesty. This is a place where the truth can be said.

6. Pause vs. Panic: Urgency is the exception, not the rule. If something feels rushed or confusing, it’s okay to pause and ask for clarity before reacting. We move fast, but not frantically.

We are in the messy middle of unlearning habits built for machines and relearning ones built for humans. It’s not always comfortable. But it’s liberating. And I think if we choose to, we will get there. Because the best kind of responsiveness is intentional and remembers there is a person at the other end.